are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
