i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
