ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
