Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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