im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
