We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We talked him into tasing himself.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
