Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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