had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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