there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
