I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
