at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
