True but thats because hes a fetus.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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