If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize