Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize