dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
