I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
