Texts From Last Night

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  (334): View more from Alabama

  I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is

  (1-334): View more from Alabama

  I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P

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  (334): I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is (1-334): I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P http://tfl.nu/fyjw
  Replies (5) Good night (1180) Bad night (729)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.

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  (609): ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked. http://tfl.nu/ufr2
  Replies (3) Good night (3343) Bad night (587)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk

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  (330): when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk http://tfl.nu/57qd
  Replies (7) Good night (1849) Bad night (2007)
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  (310): View more from California

  Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta

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  (310): Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta http://tfl.nu/zeqg
  Replies (86) Good night (3168) Bad night (957)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?

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  (215): How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers? http://tfl.nu/g3e9
  Replies (44) Good night (7241) Bad night (1269)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.

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  (401): I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails. http://tfl.nu/8vyo
  Replies (10) Good night (3987) Bad night (1583)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.

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  (646): I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot. http://tfl.nu/r2lr
  Replies (17) Good night (6520) Bad night (1128)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?

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  (507): security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs? http://tfl.nu/7ki8
  Replies (5) Good night (2523) Bad night (1022)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?

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  (704): HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES? http://tfl.nu/cu3x
  Replies (8) Good night (2181) Bad night (996)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.

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  (412): I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing. http://tfl.nu/guzu
  Replies (11) Good night (597) Bad night (918)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap

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  (703): I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap http://tfl.nu/q0tw
  Replies (1) Good night (491) Bad night (629)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.

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  (312): guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them. http://tfl.nu/b0nn
  Replies (4) Good night (969) Bad night (404)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me

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  (203): It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me http://tfl.nu/q51p
  Replies (8) Good night (527) Bad night (1095)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.

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  (315): Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure. http://tfl.nu/q5fs
  Replies (4) Good night (561) Bad night (433)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her

  (845): View more from New York

  You mean sponsor?

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  (914): I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her (845): You mean sponsor? http://tfl.nu/42k1
  Replies (0) Good night (564) Bad night (545)

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