I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
there's paper in my vomit.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.