Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Randomize
