Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
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Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
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This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone