Texts From Last Night

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  (515): View more from Iowa

  so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.

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  (515): so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker. http://tfl.nu/m4up
  Replies (9) Good night (4042) Bad night (635)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.

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  (630): just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now. http://tfl.nu/m10w
  Replies (29) Good night (8003) Bad night (681)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience

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  (302): dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience http://tfl.nu/d1lz
  Replies (49) Good night (679) Bad night (6289)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.

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  (706): Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't. http://tfl.nu/ol3k
  Replies (11) Good night (7432) Bad night (1396)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?

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  (413): She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy? http://tfl.nu/obto
  Replies (12) Good night (1454) Bad night (5471)
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  (626): View more from California

  im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.

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  (626): im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again. http://tfl.nu/ai0s
  Replies (6) Good night (1088) Bad night (2223)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom

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  (847): I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom http://tfl.nu/peqw
  Replies (8) Good night (1328) Bad night (2234)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.

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  (904): pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking. http://tfl.nu/eg7z
  Replies (3) Good night (2229) Bad night (699)
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  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.

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  (857): It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful. http://tfl.nu/xfy4
  Replies (9) Good night (2203) Bad night (1220)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out

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  (306): We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out http://tfl.nu/zt8v
  Replies (3) Good night (1738) Bad night (489)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.

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  (267): I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten. http://tfl.nu/d8ik
  Replies (10) Good night (900) Bad night (1243)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.

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  (201): I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me. http://tfl.nu/s5ef
  Replies (0) Good night (986) Bad night (321)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay

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  (613): i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay http://tfl.nu/bes3
  Replies (5) Good night (776) Bad night (344)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment

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  (773): We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment http://tfl.nu/wv2s
  Replies (2) Good night (647) Bad night (234)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.

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  (253): I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties. http://tfl.nu/4gzc
  Replies (0) Good night (480) Bad night (269)

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