Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
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Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
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The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early