yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.