i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
