In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize