as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
