dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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