She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
