so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
