i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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