It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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