Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
