I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
