I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
