Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
