things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
