I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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