remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
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Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
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Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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