Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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