and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
