Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
