Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You took a bar mat shot.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We left the knife in your bed.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
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