Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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