You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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