he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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