I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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