I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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