a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
