lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
