Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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