just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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