he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
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there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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