my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
