"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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