I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
