Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
