i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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