break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
