I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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