just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
