Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
