Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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