So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
