I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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