I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
