It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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