my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
