He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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