Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
