and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
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