Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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