I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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