Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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