the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
